Mental Health Moments: The Damaging Effects of Curated Imperfection

⌛  By Kaylin R. Staten ⌛

In June, we chatted more about how life coaches, especially in the online space, use curated imperfection and other methods as illusions to gain followers and encourage others to buy unneeded items.

I wanted to talk about my own foray into curated imperfection in this blog post in order to shed light on how I was duped into believing in these tactics.

At first, we were taught that perfection was something we needed to emulate. Think of 1950s and 1960s housewives for a moment. In many cases, society and others in their lives told them to always put on a happy face, be perfectly coiffed, have dinner on the table at a specific time, never get flustered at their children, present a clean house to their husbands at the end of the work day, and more.

I don’t know about you, but I have always revolted against this in my mind. As a caregiver, though, I do tend to cater to those around me, thus employing those same sexist tactics against myself! Ugh.

As I began to work more on my mental health, I started paying more attention to how I could embrace imperfection. Using affirmations may not work for everyone, as repeating the same mantra over and over may not incite change. (You have to work toward what you want, after all.) On my desk, I have a graphic of mantras that I look at as I work. At the bottom states, “Perfectly imperfect.” 

I truly believe that my imperfections make me who I am, at times more so than my own internal sense of obsessive perfectionism ever could. So, at first, I latched on to the idea of influencers who presented a “hot mess” and general imperfect vibe persona.

Until I realized that it was curated imperfection. In an article and several other mentions I found when I Googled this term, Laura Turner exposes some issues when imperfection is heavily curated to increase follower counts and unreal expectations.

Here are some ways curated imperfection can cause more harm than good to our mental health:

It’s NOT REAL.

It’s a sales angle that is trying to get you to buy into their lifestyle-brand mindset and product lines with you as the customer avatar. If you own any type of business in any sector, you know that the photos, videos, and other marketing materials don’t always make it to the public eye. I can’t tell you how many flatlays I have taken and edited to get that “perfect but not too much” shot to post on social media. You’re not seeing the whole picture when someone posts an anti-highlight reel photo to Instagram. How many shots and captions did he/she go through before settling on the best “imperfect” one? I’m sure that most of us, especially by now, know that the Internet is full of fakeness, but it can still affect us subconsciously. 

It’s still presented as one-size-fits-all.

You aren’t actually showing your individualism if you begin to emulate these influencers, and you are encouraged to make your living and work spaces to look the exact same as your favorite influencers.’ Plus, you’re not seeing the full picture of the “imperfection” they are selling. So, your favorite influencer somehow had the time to write a book, speaks at a new engagement every week, posts on social media constantly, and manages a six-figure business, and seemingly does it all. She has a husband, children, and a house you would love to have. How does she make time for it all? What has to suffer if she can reach her dreams? We often don’t get that version of the story -- just the struggles many people want to share on the Internet. Where is the REAL imperfection? The breakdowns, mental health issues, failures? Some of us may also focus on someone else’s imperfections a little too much and start to make unhelpful assumptions about our own situations and lives. Someone else’s dirty dishes in the sink or canceled plans isn’t the same as the larger issues we could be facing. That isn’t motivational -- that is damaging.

Much of the advice is still harmful.

Let’s face it, you followed someone’s account because you liked their aesthetic, content they push out in multiple media formats, or purchased a product of theirs from a store or online. You have to be careful because their version of imperfection can still come off as judgmental toward other people’s imperfections. They may embrace their stretch marks from multiple pregnancies but in the next breath shame someone else for “eating too much” and not losing weight. I don’t want to necessarily name drop influencers/coaches/self-proclaimed “self-made” people, but Rachel Hollis is one of the BIGGEST perpetrators of this. She thinly veils her imperfections as OK and attempts to be relatable, but she is often very tone-deaf and comes off as off-putting, too self-serving, and judgmental toward most demographics of women who have different imperfections than her. This article hits the nail right on the head. I know I used to use some of her methods and listened to her podcast, but honestly, once I knew she promotes herself at multi-level marketing conferences, plagiarizes written work from others, and that a lot of what she says is actually damaging, I stopped following her. Everything about her is fake in my eyes and she is harming a slew of women (more in this blog post from June).

Please note: These blog posts are not clinical, although we will provide symptoms and other information. These posts are based on my experiences with anxiety and mental health in general. If you or someone you know needs help, visit a website like Mental Health America to learn more.

Mental Health Moments blog posts are every other Tuesday of the month. Our CEO and contributors highlight what it's like to live with a mental health disorder and continue to fight the stigma through storytelling.

Kaylin R. Staten, APR, is an award-winning, accredited public relations practitioner and writer based in Huntington, WV with 18 years of professional communications experience. As CEO and founder of Hourglass Media, she uses her compassionate spirit and expertise to delve into the heart of clients’ stories. She is a recovering perfectionist, mental health advocate, wife, Luke’s mom, cat mom, and Leia Organa aficionado. Connect with Kaylin on LinkedIn.