Mental Health Moments: Unmasking Some Of My Most Unhelpful Thoughts

⌛  By Kaylin R. Staten ⌛

As a recovering perfectionist, I still have many moments of unhelpful thoughts. In this Mental Health Moments blog post, I will outline three of my most unhelpful thought processes to give you an inside look at my brain. I write these posts to help others struggling with perfectionism, anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues reach at least a small form of clarity. 

Unhelpful thoughts are old friends who rear their heads at the most inconvenient times. They are part of the confines of my comfort zone, and I have to be diligent in thwarting them before they wreak havoc on my productivity and general way I feel about myself. 

I am a control freak. 

As a lifelong perfectionist at heart, I have had the urge to control aspects of my life from childhood onward. When I feel like I am being too controlled by a person, situation, or fear, I rebel in the form of wanting to control even the most minute things. I’m sure that over time, I have been labeled as a control freak or less-nice words.

In fact, someone once told me that I would be the most controlling girlfriend ever, back in my single days as a nonprofit marketing director. Obviously, this hit a nerve because I still remember it today. It played on a grander fear I did indeed have for my own life: that I would be unbearable at all costs to a future S.O. Guys, I have been married for 3 years and have been with my husband for four. We just welcomed our first child. I would say that relationship-wise, I exceeded my own limiting expectations for myself and how I would act “in the future.” I have always tried to pre-write my future based on my past with little to no regard for my present day. Who cares about changes for the better? I was destined to be a certain way because that is how I once was or saw myself being. This hinders who you are and your sense of happiness and fulfillment in the present moment and future. I have had to do a lot of work on myself to attempt to eliminate the fear of who I “will” be based on a number of factors, and I still have issues with this. Reminder yourself of who you are, and if you’re worried about being a specific trait, then ask someone who will give you an honest answer. The key is to believe and listen to the answers they give without second-guessing. 

I will be overwhelmed forever. 

As a solopreneur with a growing company and many other responsibilities, I tend to find myself in the land of overwhelm. This happened a lot during my pregnancy, and at the beginning when we weren’t telling anyone, this really ran me ragged. I presented myself as calm, cool, and collected even though I was nauseous 24/7 and was so tired I could barely keep my head up. As the CEO who wears a plethora of other Hourglass Media hats, it can be a challenge to balance your days and practice good mental health throughout a slew of meetings, client deadlines, networking, administrative tasks, and other obligations. Add being a wife and new mom are wonderful, but they also add to my overwhelm and perfectionistic tendencies. 

I won’t lie to you: when I become overwhelmed, it hits me HARD. I fixate in even the smallest of tasks, and if I don’t complete my to-do list, I tend to freak out. Also, if I feel like I am wasting time, I get anxious about getting more “productive” things done. What helps me the most is tackling items I tend to avoid and to sit back and breathe for a minute or so. Gaining perspective during high times of anxiety can be one of the most challenging aspects of maintaining positive strategies for mental health. Overwhelm, like many negative emotions, is fleeting and doesn’t last forever — even when it feels like it! 

I’m not as good as I once was. 

I’m a perfectionist who loves to compare myself to previous versions of who I used to be. I even go all Anakin Skywalker sometimes and start to think about what the future holds while desperately trying to prevent negative events from occurring. (What happens is that you cause the very turmoil you are trying to prevent.) As many people have said before me, comparison is the thief of joy. It’s exceedingly dangerous to compare who you are now to who you once were. For me, I look at past photographs and think, “I was so young and skinny” or “I achieved this or that.” When I’m at my lowest, I don’t think I’m as good as I once was, even though I have grown significantly as a person over time. In times like that, I don’t see growth. I just see the so-called negative changes that plague my thought processes. 

It’s important to keep a running tab of the positive aspects in your life and the facets that play into your current successes. It helps for me to keep a physical list, so even though I am reminiscing about my previous young, energetic, somehow more sage self, I remember how far I have come. Despite any imperfections or mistakes, I am still standing and have more experiences to add to my repertoire.

Please note: These blog posts are not clinical, although we will provide symptoms and other information. These posts are based on my experiences with anxiety and mental health in general. If you or someone you know needs help, visit a website like Mental Health America to learn more.

Mental Health Moments blog posts are every other Tuesday of the month. Our CEO and contributors highlight what it's like to live with a mental health disorder and continue to fight the stigma through storytelling.

Kaylin R. Staten, APR, is an award-winning, accredited public relations practitioner and writer based in Huntington, WV with 18 years of professional communications experience. As CEO and founder of Hourglass Media, she uses her compassionate spirit and expertise to delve into the heart of clients’ stories. She is a recovering perfectionist, mental health advocate, wife, Luke’s mom, cat mom, and Leia Organa aficionado. Connect with Kaylin on LinkedIn.