5 Lessons I’ve Learned During My Mental Health Journey
⌛ By Kaylin R. Staten ⌛
I’m no stranger to talking about mental health. I opened the door into the private rabbit hole of my mind in an op-ed piece in May 2018, and I haven’t stopped advocating for mental health issues since.
Today is World Mental Health Day, so I am feeling a natural sense of reflection for my own mental health journey. I usually save these posts for every other Tuesday’s Mental Health Moments blog entries. Today is a celebration of where all of us have been on our mental health missions and where we will continue to go.
For me, anxiety manifested itself into my three-year-old mind in the form of self-deprecation. There it remained, until I really started working on my mental health in my late ‘20s. I was a hot mess of people pleasing, achieving anything just for the endorphin rush it briefly gave me and automatically launching into my comfort zone of bashing myself when life gave me lemons.
Guys, I didn’t know how to make lemon water, let alone lemonade from all of the silver linings. I was too busy drowning. The thing was, I never truly realized the source of my anxiety and depression until much later, after the dust settled on compounded mistakes and many sleepless nights.
Giving into the habits of my comfort zone was not serving me. It actually prevented me from being the best version of myself on personal and professional levels. I want to share 5 lessons I’ve learned as I’ve peeled back a multitude of layers covering my authentic self.
There’s a time and place for your PR face.
As a communicator in a sometimes very public occupation, I had to learn to push aside my emotions in order to do my job. This meant attending a meeting the morning after my Papaw passed away, scheduling committee meetings on my birthday in order to not appear “lazy” and not showing my emotions when I really needed to share them. I’m here to say that your PR face doesn’t have to be on 24/7. In fact, the professional side of you needs to be an extension of who you actually are. I’m not saying to give into your emotions and cry like a baby when you need to be live on the news for a client. A PR face can sometimes appear cold, distant and rigidly all business. Open up your heart to allow your authentic self to shine through.
You still can be productive without being motivated.
I have an all-or-nothing approach to life. It’s the perfectionist and artist in me. If I don’t feel inspired, then I don’t want to continue a project or assignment. There were so many days that I gave into this feeling of unmotivated thoughts. Then, I started witnessing a lack of growth. So, consistency is the missing piece. It allows you to be productive without necessarily feeling motivated. Case in point: I know I have to release a blog post at 3:30 p.m. today because I release them every week on Thursdays at 3:30 p.m. That consistency is keeping me on task because I am sure as heck not motivated at the moment!
If you don’t stand up for yourself, no one else will.
I want to believe with my rose-colored, nostalgic, little girl heart that people have my best interest in mind when making decisions. GUESS WHAT. No one can take care of yourself but you. It’s a blessing to have a spouse or someone close to you consider you in decisions, but if you don’t stand up for yourself, then who will? I’ve bottled my emotions my entire life -- until the hot magma overflows and emotions spew out like lava I can’t take back. If something bothers you, speak up. You own that to yourself. Never stop fighting for yourself.
Forgive yourself.
This one fits hand in hand with sticking up for yourself. You also owe it to yourself to forgive yourself. I’ve looked into the past my entire life, asking questions like, “Why did I do that? Who would actually love me if they knew about this? Why can’t I be different?” Seriously, my mind concocts these questions at a mile a minute if I allow it to happen. If you learned from a mistake, did XYZ a decade ago, forgave someone else for doing the same thing you’re still mad at yourself for doing, then FORGIVE YOURSELF. All of make mistakes, and I have made so many of them, especially when I was figuring out who I was during my 20s. I learned from those mistakes and didn’t repeat most of them. Stop holding a grudge with yourself and learn to forgive.
Imperfection is actually more fun.
I have never wanted to deviate from my present course. I fear distractions, a lack of progress and judgment from others. But, honestly, how boring is that? I spent my entire high school and college days wrapped up in my career and never gave myself enough time to breathe or spend time with others. It didn’t fit into the schedule, so I just didn’t do it. It seemed “imperfect” to schedule relaxation and fun. And don’t get me started on if I made a mistake (like one dreadful typo) or put a less-that-perfect photo or video on the Internet. Now, I like to look back and see how I have grown. Imperfection is more exciting. It’s OK to be prim and proper, but it’s also OK to be a little less polished sometimes. Imperfection means using your Louis Vuitton Speedy 25 all of the time without the fear of it getting a speck of water on. Aged leather is better anyway. ;)
Live what you love without fear. That is my life’s mission. So, here I am today. Writing about clarity that I never thought I would reach. Here’s to more adventures on my mental health journey, and to yours, too.
Kaylin R. Staten, APR, is an award-winning public relations practitioner and writer based in Huntington, WV with nearly 16 years of professional communications experience. As CEO and founder of Hourglass Media, she uses her compassionate spirit and expertise to delve into the heart of clients’ stories. She is a recovering perfectionist, mental health advocate, wife, cat mom and Leia Organa aficionado. Connect with Kaylin on LinkedIn.