Mental Health Moments: What I Would Tell Myself Early In My Career

⌛  By Kaylin R. Staten ⌛

August is always a month of reflection for me. 

August is my birth month, so that natural year-older thing always puts me in this mode. I think about lessons learned and successes I’ve had from each August to the next, and this time around, I’ve been ruminating about what I would tell my younger self.

I don’t know if it’s because we are due to welcome our son next month, but the emphasis on my younger self has been on my mind a lot. It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with the past and feel at least semi-confident in the future while enjoying the present moment. As I look back, there are so many things I would tell my younger self.

There have been times in which I haven’t felt confident, whether it’s completing a work task I have never done before or analyzing what someone said to me in a text message to the point of ridiculing myself. I’ve been part of unhealthy circular motions, but I’ve been working really hard to break predetermined and self-inflicted cycles.

Here are four mantras I would tell the younger version of myself earlier in my career:

It’s OK to slow down for a minute.

During my college and younger professional years, I was hyper focused on working. Anyone who knew me during this period or has spent any time with me knows that I was probably a bit overzealous during this timeframe. I kept to such a strict work regimen, burning the candle at both ends, until I burned completely out. I didn’t take the time to have a social life, and anytime I had to do something outside of my productive way of life, I would feel an immediate rush of anxiety overtake my mood. I couldn’t balance work and life, and to this day, I’m still not the greatest at it. What I have had to realize is that sometimes work duties will take over a day, while other days, you have to handle more personal aspects. It’s also OK to relax, even if you have to schedule relaxation into your calendar. While I am very happy and proud of my successes in college and beyond, I do know they came at a price when they didn’t necessarily have to.

Figuring out mental health is a strength, not a weakness.

I am very open about mental health, as it’s one of Hourglass Media’s main causes and a facet of my life. It’s part of my being, but it doesn’t define the total overview of who I am. I didn’t understand what panic and anxiety attacks were when I was growing up, but I can assure you that I had them. Being in turmoil was my version of normal, and I didn’t know the other side of the coin until after I started delving into the deep waters of self-awareness. I agonized about every little thing, from an impending small-scale work deadline to playing through what-if scenarios over and over in my mind. I wanted to find a solution, but I let fear get the way so many times. Until I just didn’t. I started seeking advice from mental health professionals in 2015, as it was one of my most stressful years to date (and coincidentally when I started my company, ha). While the initial run didn’t work out with a couple of therapists, I now have one who helps me immensely during every appointment.

You are stronger than you think.

I never thought of myself as a strong person. I toed every line people made for me, and I even created some of those constraints myself. I felt like I had to please people by working longer and “harder” than others, never making a mistake, and taking each criticism with a heavy heart. In my head, I felt weak. I didn’t want to always comply with what others wanted, but I didn’t know how to branch out and be my own person who can still help others but who also knows how to say “no.” All of my experiences to this point have shaped my strength, from dealing with incredibly toxic work environments to being thrust in the throes of grief three separate times in 2015. My unique experiences have made me resilient and have allowed me to speak up for myself more and more in business and life. I didn’t know I had this ability when I was younger, but I am proud of the younger me for asking for raises twice (and getting them). If I would have realized my strength, worth, and confidence, I would have been so much happier and self-assured.

Everything will work out in the end.

I went through a tumultuous time in my mid-20s. It was a quarter-life crisis, if you will. I don’t usually speak publicly about it, but I will give you the gist of the scenario in order to paint a picture: I was in the most terrible relationship you could possibly imagine. Think of a worst-case scenario times ten, and that’s what I was dealing with. I was working in a toxic environment as well, so being surrounded by complete toxicity 24/7 nearly drove me insane (and I don’t say that lightly). I began to lose myself before I could even accomplish what I wanted to, and I was drowning in the highest anxiety and depression I’ve ever experienced to this point. I wish I could tell that version of myself to just hang on for a little while longer. I was so hung up on never being able to escape that point in my life that I couldn’t fathom anything good happening to me. I wish I could have known that a beautiful life would begin to form when I was 27. That I would have the best husband in the universe, a rainbow-baby son on the way, a thriving company in which I founded, and a plethora of blessings beyond measure. Sometimes, we have to walk through the darkest paths in order to find the blissful light of our dreams.

Please note: These blog posts are not clinical, although we will provide symptoms and other information. These posts are based on my experiences with anxiety and mental health in general. If you or someone you know needs help, visit a website like Mental Health America to learn more.

Mental Health Moments blog posts are every other Tuesday of the month. Our CEO and contributors highlight what it's like to live with a mental health disorder and continue to fight the stigma through storytelling.

Kaylin R. Staten, APR, is an award-winning, accredited public relations practitioner and writer based in Huntington, WV with 18 years of professional communications experience. As CEO and founder of Hourglass Media, she uses her compassionate spirit and expertise to delve into the heart of clients’ stories. She is a recovering perfectionist, mental health advocate, wife, Luke’s mom, cat mom, and Leia Organa aficionado. Connect with Kaylin on LinkedIn.