Mental Health Moments: Reasons To Keep Your Kids Off Social Media

⌛  By Kaylin R. Staten ⌛

So, it turns out having a child is pretty magical.

I spent all of 2020 to this point with a little human growing inside me, and now, he’s here. My husband and I are over the moon in love with our son. Anyone who knows us knows that fact. Before we grew our family, we made a decision not many millennial parents in the digital age make: we decided to keep our future children off social media.

We are now implementing that conversation we had over a year ago after the recent arrival of our son.

While I am not shaming any parent for posting about your children (it’s definitely your choice!), I do want to talk about why we came to this decision. (This is also from the person who originally wanted her wedding to be professional photos only, but I definitely relaxed that high standard and control-freak mindset.) I do continue to shed light on miscarriage and other issues with my posts, but they are tailored in such a way to reveal needed information without compromising my privacy. That is for my handwritten journal and chapters of my forever-unreleased, no-holds-barred memoir.

I am a writer and PR practitioner, after all. And I learned from Ernest Hemingway to write using the iceberg theory. 

So, no ultrasound photos, birth stories, or TMI photos of my son on the Internet from me. I don’t even post about my niece and nephew anymore. We also limit what others put up of our child, too. It’s not because we are trying to be secretive or celebrity-esque. We do have our completely valid reasons! For those who want to see him, we send texts, see people in person, and have a private database for photo albums.

And, of course, there are some influences who use their children as click bait and monetized content.

Here are four reasons you may want to keep your children off social media:

They can’t choose what you post.

First and foremost, my husband and I can consciously make the choice to post about our own lives. At first, it may seem odd that someone who communicates for a living is choosing to not make private details public. But, I made a choice to become a public relations practitioner and to post about my company and some personal details. My son can’t make that decision. Honestly, I see posts that will likely be mortifying to kids when they come of age and know what their parents have posted (no judgment, but I just urge caution and to ask, “Should I post this?” before posting something about your kid or anything in general). I know I would have been embarrassed beyond reproach if social media was a thing in the late 1980s and early 1990s and my mom posted some of my home videos or photos. I can’t imagine being a preteen or teenager trying to navigate life and then have photos of me brushing my teeth or reading through a toy catalog sitting on the toilet as a toddler (these are real photos of me).

When he is old enough to make a decision about whether to be on social media or not, then we will revisit this. I just want to make sure he can consent. Until then, you won’t see much about him. I chose to post baby bump photos, but that was my choice and was something you actually witnessed if you saw me during my pregnancy -- outside of the pandemic, that is.

My son and my business are two separate things.

Due to what I do for a living, I know too much about how information is used for target audiences. I also know that people who seek information about public relations and communications, writing, small business, mental health, and other Hourglass Media focuses may not want information about being a parent and other personal stories. I will mention it because it’s part of my story, but I do not want to inundate my audience with content they may or may not be interested in. I want to know for sure the types of content they expect and want to learn more about.

I’m not saying that it’s unprofessional to share about your personal life from a professional standpoint. After all, we are humans, and we use those narratives to strengthen our connections to others. And I am a writer first, so sharing stories is my bread and butter. But, there is a fine line between oversharing about your personal life (children included), and if you have a business like mine, you try to keep your child out of the limelight.

There’s a lack of security.

Look, Facebook has begun removing .gif comments due to the conglomerate’s community guidelines. There have been cases of parents finding that their uploads of their children’s photos have made it to third-party sites to sell products and even on the dark web. According to that same Forbes article, being a “sharent” can cause identity fraud, the loss of a future job opportunity, and other complications for your child. By 2030, two-thirds of children will have experienced the aftereffects of this. Also, as third-party data collection only increases, paying attention to who collects your child’s data, what they are collecting, and how often the collection occurs will help you make parenting decisions. Use this interactive infographic from the Children’s Commissioner in the United Kingdom to see what is collected in the home, online, and out and about.

I chose to use my middle initial in my professional byline: Kaylin R. Staten, APR. Many of you will know my middle name, even. But, we chose to not reveal Luke’s middle name on social media to retain a general expectation of privacy for him. (And trust me when I say that we will never get a vanity license plate and use family decals on the back windows of our vehicles.) I know I cannot protect him from the entire world, but we wanted to make smart choices that are best for our family,especially as technology becomes an even bigger part of our lives. BUT… he does have his own website domain ready and waiting if he ever wants to use it (again, I know ALL about personal branding, haha). 

I did it for my own mental health. 

I don’t want people commenting on photos of my son and saying I’m doing something wrong as a parent. Of course I will make mistakes! I’m a first-time mom. But, I’m saving myself anxiety by not posting about him and taking a step back from social media on a personal basis. I am also at a point in my life where likes and other social media engagement measurements are nice and appreciated, but they are no longer a driving force in how I feel about myself or measure my overall success. I want to be able to give 110% to my husband and son, and I can’t do that if I’m constantly anxious over the day’s backseat parenting comments on the Internet. You know what I mean by that. There’s a difference between an actual helpful recommendation (especially those you ask for) and straight-up judgment. I respect myself enough to not put my mental health through that rollercoaster!

Also, I’m not going to pull a Michael Jackson move and put a blanket over his head while he’s in public. If you see us out and about, he will most certainly be a normal kid! 

Please note: These blog posts are not clinical, although we will provide symptoms and other information. These posts are based on my experiences with anxiety and mental health in general. If you or someone you know needs help, visit a website like Mental Health America to learn more.

Mental Health Moments blog posts are every other Tuesday of the month. Our CEO and contributors highlight what it's like to live with a mental health disorder and continue to fight the stigma through storytelling.

Kaylin R. Staten, APR, is an award-winning, accredited public relations practitioner and writer based in Huntington, WV with 18 years of professional communications experience. As CEO and founder of Hourglass Media, she uses her compassionate spirit and expertise to delve into the heart of clients’ stories. She is a recovering perfectionist, mental health advocate, wife, Luke’s mom, cat mom, and Leia Organa aficionado. Connect with Kaylin on LinkedIn.